Monday Night RAW is back and live from Dallas, TX, kicking things off with a clip of John Cena retaining his title, yet again, against no less than five guys at the last PPV. For his next title defense, Cena will levitate above a steel cage and go one on one with a squad of newly-resurrected, Jurassic Park-esque dinosaurs and still emerge victorious, unscathed, and still wearing the gold.

Getting that out of the way, Mr. Kennedy comes out to blame the crowd for losing his Money In The Bank title shot to Edge. Were it not for the fans pushing him to constantly perform, even if he couldn't put up a reasonable effort, he'd still have the belt.Going into his usual schpiel, Kennedy is about to say his name in his borderline, Carol Burnett way when John Cena comes out to bust ol' Ken's Kennedies for a bit.

In a legitimately funny promo, The Champ decides to call out Kennedy and brands him as Mr. Cameltoe (prompting a few "cameltoe" chants from the crowd. I can only hope they continue.), Mr. Colostomy Bag, and Mr. Kenny G.

The "Mr. Kenny G" comment was the final straw, prompting Ken to lose it and exclaim "That's Mr. Kennedy to you!" So, let me get this straight. Cena refers to him as an unsightly bulge in a woman's lower pubic area resulting from too-tight pants, as a bag which holds human waste and excrement, but being referred to as a former, frizzy-haired adult-contemporary compatriot of Michael Bolton that set him off. Yeah. Come to think of it, that would set me off, too.

Cena steps to Kennedy and the two men face off as King Booker and Queen Sharmell make their way down to the ring, resplendent in red.

Good King Booker issues a royal proclamation, hereby challenging Cena for the WWE Championship before Randy Orton comes out. Orton's rationale for being given a title shot is that he has been on RAW the longest and ended the careers of several prominent wrestlers, therefore deserving of a title shot.

Cue yet another participant from the Vengeance PPV event and the "soft-spoken" Bobby Lashley insists that since he never lost his ECW title, rather was stripped of it, he is still a champion and deserves a shot at the belt.

Enter William Regal who seems to have Vince McMahon's old hair, making an announcement that since Jonathan Coachman is "on holiday" (I love that very British turn of phrase!), he is the stand-in commissioner tonight and will be making the matches. Regal declares that the man who defeats his opponent in the quickest time tonight will go on to face Cena at the Great America Bash. Glancing over at Randy Orton, Regal says, "I hope you're warmed up, Sunshine. Your match is up next." Oh, how I love me some William Regal! I missed him calling everyone "sunshine." Along with "humanoids," and "white sockers," Regal's "sunshine" holds a special place in my wrestling vocabulary's heart.

After the commercial break, Randy Orton is warming up in the ring as his opponent, Jeff Hardy makes his way down the ramp. The Rainbow Haired Warrior doesn't look so rainbow tonight owing to the absence of Manic Panic in his freshly corn-rowed hair.

Things kick off as Orton flies off the ropes onto Hardy who does a nifty takeover on him. Orton goes for his standard dropkick, booting Hardy to the outside. Back in the ring, Orton almost gets a near fall, however Hardy rolls through. Hardy ducks as Orton runs at him and hoists the Legend Killer over the top rope, dumping him to the outside. Jeff Hardy delivers a very impressive baseball slide through the top and middle ropes, holding onto them and then diving back in after nailing Orton right in the mush.

Once again with the action inside the ring, Hardy kicks Orton viciously as he whips him to the corner. He sails over Orton's head only to get hit with a massive clothesline. Again, there are several near falls by Orton.

Using some more items from his repertoire, Randy goes into the Orton Stomp and incapacitates Jeff Hardy on the mat. Orton then wraps his legs around Jeff Hardy and then pummels him, then scoops and slams Hardy for another nearfall, then goes for a vertical slam to the canvas and then another.

Orton wraps his legs around Hardy once again, squeezing Hardy's ribs in a vicelike hold. Gaining to their feet, Orton lands a hard European Uppercut to Hardy. Hardy battles back with a punch to the face before both men trade boots to the stomach. Hardy gets the upper hand with a combination of an Irish Whip and a Swinging neckbreaker, another boot and then a facebuster suplex by Hardy.

Hardy goes to the top rope for the Whisper In the Wind and connects. Orton flops to the canvas but manages kick out. Hardy climbs to the top rope and goes for the Twist of Fate. Orton catches him in midair and reverses the Twist of Fate with a beautiful RKO on Hardy and scores the pin.

The match ends with the clock at 7:06 as the time to beat. On a show filled with good matches, this one was certainly one of the best. As always, both men put on a great match, in spite of their very different styles. There were some very impressive reversals of one another's standard maneuvers and some nice chain wrestling from both men.

Up next, according to the backstage split screen, would be Melina vs. Maria. Maria was shown making all sorts of pouty, "Grrr-I'm a bad ass with lip gloss!" faces on her walk to the Titan Tron and the little voice inside my head said "This is soooo gonna suck." And then it said "I could really go for some cheese fries tomorrow."

Before the women's match, the Champion, Candice Michelle comes out wearing the female equivalent of a Ric Flair robe and it looks like she's been dipping into Naitch's stash of peroxide, too. All issue I've taken with her turn towards the blonde side aside, I gotta hand it to the girl for some great taste in corsets and boots.

A rather angry Melina makes her way down to the ring and performs her very flexible ring entrance, sneering at Women's Champion Candice Michelle all the while as she sits with the announce team of Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler.

Skippedy-doo-dah, Maria comes out blowing kisses to the crowd and they're rather happy to see her. At least most of the guys are, considering her very clingy, one-shouldered red unitard that's screaming for a peep of cameltoe. (Hey! John Cena started it earlier in the evening! I'm just following along here!)

Melina steps to Candice at the table while her opponent Maria catches her off guard and rushes Melina, pouncing on her. The less-experienced competitor gets a few good kicks in on the former Women's Champion before Melina picks up Maria by her knees and swings her around the ring before dropping her on the canvas. Grabbing a handful of hair she then slams her face to the canvas, grinding it in.

Melina continues her assault with a modified standing surfboard on Maria, yanking upwards before landing a boot to Maria's chest. From the canvas, Maria kicks up into the small of Melina's back, continuing to fight to stay in the match. It doesn't last long thanks to several hard elbows and forearms to Maria's back. Surprisingly, Maria comes back and throws a few shoulders and then a standing bulldog to Melina. Not bad! Melina then slams Maria's face into the turnbuckle before bending her backwards over her knee and finishing her off with a high kick that guillotine's across Maria's throat, ending with Melina landing in a full split for the pin. It's one of the best and most visually extraordinary finishing moves I've seen within the women's division or even the men's for that matter. And I will have to admit that while she's nowhere near any sort of contender status, Maria did a decent job in there. However, I think the standing bulldog is the only real maneuver I've ever seen her whip out, using it in at least one other match before.

Fresh off of her win, Melina shoots a rather feral look towards Candice Michelle at the announce table. Gets out of the ring and walks menacingly to the Women's Champ, hands on her hips. Candice removes the headset and Melina rushes her, bending her backwards over the barricade and both women go at it, Candice whipping Melina into the barricade and standing atop the table and victoriously raising her championship belt into the air.

After a commercial break, it's time for a spotlight on HHH's injury, which means that he's due to come back in the very near future. Considering U2's "Beautiful Day" is several years old, anyone want to take bets on what music his new recovery video will be set to? Detailing Trips' injury, this time, the opposite knee from the one that required a sabbatical several years ago had been blown out, with basically, his kneecap switching itself to the side of his leg, moving out of position. Some footage of the actual operation was shown and damn, dude, that's a lot of fluid in his leg.

From the Triple H "Road to Recovery" clip, it's off to the backstage area where Dusty Rhodes is holding court with "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan and introducing Hacksaw to his son, Cody Runnels. Cody, along with his older brother Dustin "Goldust" Runnels inducted their father into the WWE Hall of Fame this past year, and is being brought up from the OVW ranks and will soon be seeing the inside of a WWE ring.

Shuffling around backstage, Randy Orton sees Cody backstage and asks Dusty to introduce him. Orton tells him that one day, Cody can be just like him, following in his father's footsteps, "Like one day you'll be better than him." Insisting that since Dusty won't introduce him, he will introduce himself and extends his hand to young Cody as "Legend, you know the rest." In a manner that reminds me something of a character from MAD TV, Cody yells at Orton, "Randy, stay away from my dad!" Instead, Orton slaps Dusty and Cody makes a move before Dusty blocks him and Orton walks away.

Whoa. You do NOT smack the American Dream!

Coming up next is Umaga vs. Santino Marella. I never thought I would say this, but I was really pulling for Umaga all the way. Maybe it was because Afa and Sika pointed out their sister, Umaga's mother (U-Mama?), in the crowd during their own Hall of Fame induction ceremony also this past year and I've got a soft spot in my heart for wrestlers who bring their parents to see them. Or maybe it's just that he's the only "monster" that has improved his wrestling skill-set and I really respect that. Or maybe it's because Santino Marella sucks out loud so badly that Gorilla Monsoon is doing six-foot under 360's with WWE giving his real-life surname to use as part of Santino's gimmick.

Backstage before his match, Marella's pseudo-romance storyline with Maria continues as he performs the world's worst impersonation of Fabio, kissing Maria "for luck." Not such a hot idea considering she just got pummeled by Melina a few minutes ago.

Back in the arena, Umaga comes out to his kick ass music and is already in the ring before Santino makes his entrance.

Marella tries to get in the early offense and runs at Umaga kicking him in the leg. The Intercontinental Champion continues his vicious kicks to the back of Umaga's legs before the Samoan Bulldozer picks him up by the leg and flips him over. Marella manages to knock over Umaga with a very low drop kick. The Bulldozer battles back, shuttling Marella through the ropes before Umaga hurls him by his head into the announce table and mashes Marella's face into the steel posts outside the ring.

Umaga throws Marella back into the ring and delivers a spike. And another, digging it in like a Vulcan nerve pinch with face paint and tattoos instead of a bad haircut and pointy ears. He chops Marella backwards and then rushes at him in the corner but Santino moves out of the way, kicking him in the back of the knee. The Samoan Bulldozer is thrown off and a pinfall is averted.

Marella climbs to the top rope and makes a leap, only to be caught in mid-air by Umaga and sent backwards into the Samoan Drop. With Marella incapacitated, Umaga sets him up in the corner and then runs full force with the ass-splash. He goes for another Samoan spike and then sends Marella backwards and scores a pin. Umaga is the new Intercontinental Champion!!

Not a bad match at all. Puts the belt in his mouth and raises his hand in victory. Yaaay, Umaga! The crowd seemed a little dead for this one, however at the Vengeance PPV, they were red-hot for Umaga, screaming for him to "do it again," repeatedly ass-splashing Marella and giving him Samoan Spike after Samoan Spike. Hey, even if the crowd was dead, I was pretty damn happy with the outcome. Just bring back Armando "It's Still 'Alejandro' To Me" Estrada as his manager, and Umaga just may be one of my new favorites. (Never thought I'd say that!)

Up next is Beat the Clock Match #2, with King Booker and Queen Sharmell holding hands, making crazy eyes, and walking down to the ring.

His opponent is the Jobber of the Decade, Val Venis who comes out, with the towel around his waist. Although he's been relegated to RAW Jobber status, Venis looks to be in great condition and can still put on one hell of a match.

Booker bounces off of Val and goes for an inside cradle from the get-go. Venis tries to counter with a rear waist lock and is knocked to the canvas by Booker with a hard chop across the face. Venis hammers Booker's back, picking him up and then going for a backdrop suplex.

Booker continues with the chops, this time to the chest before knocking him backwards with a hard clothesline, resulting in a nearfall. Venis is slammed to the ringpost and gets horizontal with it. King Booker lands some boots to the chest and then puts Venis an armbar submission. Venis' foot is on the rope and the ref breaks the hold. He chokes back on Venis before picking him up and then tosses him backwards. It's time for another nearfall which Val kicks out of.

This time the momentum swings to Venis, dealing out several knees to Booker's chest and then going for several hits and clotheslines, repeatedly knocking Book backwards. Venis executes a reverse neckbreaker. Booker manages to get in a high knee in only to walk into Venis's boot. Nevertheless, he nails Venis with his patented Scissors Kick on and pins him for a count of three.

Booker wins the match with two-and-a-half minutes to spare off of Orton's time, clicking in at 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Booker celebrates by doing his kingly dance as Queen Sharmell announces him as the next WWE Champion.

Although the action lacked the requisite high-spots that seem to be a regular staple of matches, this was an excellent match. The pacing was fast and both Booker T and Val Venis seemed to be really into it, not half-assing a single maneuver, making for a very convincing and fun match to watch.

Backstage, Mr. Kennedy and Super Crazy are talking. Super Crazy is wearing a poncho that looks like a cross between a hockey jersey and the Mexican flag. In an effort to get the quickest time and score the #1 Contender spot, Kennedy tries to get Super Crazy to throw the match for him, asking him to "Lay down for me" and offering to "slide a few pesos your way." Judging by the odd expression on Super Crazy's face after Kennedy exited stage right, I was fearing some sort of homoerotic, male-prostitute joke to result from this in the ring. I was wrong. But somehow, if Super Crazy's English wasn't so good, it would have made for some fun hijinx.

Mr. Kennedy bounds into the ring, looking kind of pissed and before calling for the microphone. His schtick is interrupted by "I am Super. I am Crazy. I am Super Crazy!" with the Mexican luchador swirling his poncho around before whipping it off.

Kennedy gets in Crazy's face and threatens, "Don't ever disrespect me like that." Super Crazy rolls him up and wins the match!

Continuing the trend of trying to rig the matches, King Booker and Queen Sharmell talk with Shelton Benjamin, urging him to stretch out his match against Bobby Lashley to go longer than 4 minutes and 30 seconds so that Booker automatically wins the title shot. He offers to reward Benjamin by giving him first crack at the belt when he is champion.

Shelton smiles a big, goofy smile and kisses Booker's ring before hauling it on out to the ring. All hot and bothered by the prospect of winning the gold again, Booker plants a juicy one on Sharmell.

Footage of Orton's altercation with Dusty Rhodes in the backstage area from earlier in the show was show. I love Dusty Rhodes, but man, does he ever need some concealer under his eyes. Next week, Randy Orton looks to put another notch in his Legend Killer belt (now there's a belt-buckle for ya!), taking on The American Dream himself.

Backstage, Carlito is venting at Jillian Hall about something. Honestly, I wasn't paying much attention. He is interrupted by the newest addition to RAW, the beer swilling Sandman who announces himself by telling Carlito, "I'm the Sandman, and I do love to drink." Sandman gets beer all over Carlito. Angered, Carlito spits his apple at him. Sandman returns the favor by hocking a giant beer loogie at him. Covered in Michelob, Carlito turns back around to get it on with Sandman and instead sees Ron Simmons, gracing us all with his Weekly Dose of DAMN!

After the break, Carlito is in the ring and Sandman comes out, walking along the barricade as if it were a tightrope and chugs some serious beer before spewing it into the crowd, brandishing his Singapore cane high in the air. Although Metallica's "Enter Sandman" is now off-limits as his theme music, I'm pulling for WWE to score the rights to Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" for Sandman's latest ring-entrance theme.

In the crowd, there is a fan with a bag over his head with holes for eyes cut out. This guy gets the Sign of the Night Award, holding up one that says "Embarrassed Carlito Fan." AWESOME!!

Sandman and Carlito lock up. Carlito throws some fists Sandman's way and the booze hound clobbers Carlito with a forearm. Carlito runs at Sandman from the ropes and gets him in a twisting neck vice. Sandman elbows out of it and runs at Carlito in the corner.

The ref catches Carlito with the Singapore cane and tries to get it off of him. Sandman grabs it back and then clobbers Carlito with it and subsequently loses the match.

Eh. This one was filler, but still relatively entertaining. There was nothing to write home about, but I'm sure it was great for giving Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin some time to eke out a few extra pushups before their match-up.

Up next, Bobby Lashley in his Beat the Clock match has to face Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin dodges Lashley and then is taken down eventually by the former Sergeant. He flips him over on the mat and Benjamin rolls out of the ring, eating up time on behalf of his benefactor, King Booker.

Back in the ring, Lashley tosses Benjamin backwards with unbelievable ease before throwing him out of the ring yet again. Backstage, Sharmell and Booker look on anxiously on the monitors.

Benjamin again slips out of the ring before being bombarded by several Lashley fists. As Lashley attempted to throw him in a back body drop, Shelton counters in midair with a nice DDT, following it up with a boot. Undaunted, Lashley landed an equally nice T-Bone suplex.

Picking up Benjamin and then dropping to his knees (a move which looked like it hurt Lashley more than Benjamin,) Lashley gets Benjamin up in a backbreaker and capsizes backwards. Shelton almost covers Lashley, making a break for the top rope to go for a dropkick. Shelton is caught in midair, mid-dropkick with a Lashley spear and crumples to the canvas with Lashley gaining a count of three and winning his match with the quickest time for the night.

Lashley wins the match and the #1 Contender slot against Cena at the Great American Bash PPV.

While I really like Bobby Lashley and he put on a great match, I would still love to see Shelton Benjamin in a serious singles title contention. He's clearly one of the best wrestlers on the roster, capable of both high-flying maneuvers and a solid mat-wrestling background.

After the commercial break, the Champ and the Number One Contender are due for a contract signing in the middle of the ring, solidifying the PPV headliner match. I can't help but notice that William Regal looks so much better and younger with his hair like this. Kudos to the hairstylists and Mr. Regal!

The crowd receives Bobby Lashley with a huge ovation of cheers, while Cena, as per the norm, is greeted with a mixture of cheers and boos.

No sooner than Lashley signs the contract, Mr. Kennedy and King Booker band together against Cena and Lashley, walking down the ramp together. Booker claims it's a setup and that the odds were rigged against himself and Kennedy. Cena entreats Booker to back up his claim, saying "You want some, come get some." An impromptu tag match lasts all of 30 seconds before Bobby Lashley

Bobby Lashley then drops Cena to the floor as the Champ signs the contract, spearing Cena. Cena sits in the ring looking sad as he recovers from the spear, clutching his title belt. For his efforts, Lashley is received with even more cheers by the crowd as the closing title fades up onto the screen.

In terms of pure wrestling and trying to introduce some new storylines, this was a solid episode of RAW. The matches were great and there was just the right amount of story-progression, comedy and overall entertainment. Considering the very sad events of the past few weeks within the wrestling world and the controversy generated by the now-abandoned Mr. McMahon storyline, WWE has recouped nicely and is certainly on the right track. Although I'm the first one to point out if something sucks within the sphere of professional wrestling, I have to hand it to the REAL Vince McMahon and his band of merry men (and a few women) for putting on such a strong show after all that has transpired.

I'm looking forward to next week's episode if it continues along these lines and can't wait to see what else is in store. While there's still that spectre that hovers, thanks to the media's coverage of events within the wrestling world and their rekindled love of yellow journalism, this was the closest to "the good old days" it's gotten in awhile. For once, RAW was normal.