With an episode so horrendous it made WCW's death rattle look like the glory days of the NWA, Monday Night RAW from St. Louis, MO may go down as the single worst two-hours of wrestling programming in history.

The show started off with clips from Sunday night's New Year's Revolution PPV in which Edge and Orton were left battered and bloody at the hands of DX, managing to retain their Tag Team titles. In even bigger news, Triple H legitimately tore one of his quadriceps and will be out of action for almost six months. Triple H had the very same injury several years ago which caused him to take an extended leave of absence from active wrestling duty.

Also hyped in the opening credits would be a match between "Donald Trump" and "Rosie O'Donnell." By comparison, last week's Kevin Federline debacle was beginning to look good.

The show started off with the still-reigning Champ, John Cena addressing the crowd about his self-proclaimed "ass whipping" at the hands of Umaga at the PPV. The Samoan Bulldozer's winning streak had finally ended at New Year's Revolution with Cena retaining the title. Cena informed the audience that "I got my ass kicked for 30 minutes" and barring that it wasn't just his "concussion talking," wanted to give Umaga a rematch for the title on Monday Night RAW.

Gasp! A title match! On RAW? Surely you jest! Before anyone could get their hopes too high, Mr. McMahon's Executive Assistant, Jonathan "Coach" Coachman came out and told the Champ that he had given Umaga the night off. Cena (who actually made a correct assessment as the audience would later find out) wondered aloud if Coach had really given Umaga the night off and if he wouldn't make a surprise appearance and clock him from behind…. Or show up and surprise him in the shower. Cena seconded the horror at the thought and said "Please. Don't let him show up in the shower." Rest assured, the show was so terrible that even a Samoan Soap Drop would have been a joy to behold in comparison to the rest of the evening's drek.

Coach then went on to introduce RAW's newest acquisition, The Great Khali. Fresh off of the festering dung heap that is ECW, the 7'2" marble-mouthed behemoth showed up on RAW with his pants riding dangerously low. Over the past few weeks, I've noticed several wrestlers (most noticeably Khali and Lance Cade) wearing hip-hugger like pants that expose their navel. While I commend their derring-do in the lower-body covering department, there are some guys whose belly buttons you really don't need to see.

Coach made a match for later in the program with Cena facing The Great Khali. The audience, overjoyed at the prospect of such a match, voiced their opinion. A nap could have broken out at any moment.

Before the commercial break, Vince McMahon, wearing a snappy pearl gray suit, hyped a match of proportions greater than Bruno Sammartino battling Superstar Billy Graham. A match more epic than Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan. Later on in the evening, McMahon proclaimed that the "Brash Billionaire" would take on the "Left-Leaning Lesbian." Vince made an excited face that was probably one of the few entertaining aspects of last night's show.

After the commercial break, viewers were treated to the usual VKM swerve with a pudgy actress portraying "Rosie O'Donnell." McMahon remarked on her extensive rider and presented her with one of her requested items, a Fudgie the Whale Carvel Ice Cream Cake, adding "you are what you eat." Faux-sie commented that she would devour Donald Trump much the same way like she was devouring her precious Fudgie.

In all honesty, I think Fudgie the Whale squaring off against that other loveable Carvel character, Cookie Puss would have made for a better match than the stinkfest that was the "O'Donnell" vs. "Trump" match.

After a solid half hour of irrelevant drivel, finally came the first match of the night. The Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy had managed to retain his title at the PPV against Johnny Nitro in a steel cage match. Clutching his hip from the grueling match the night before, Hardy hobbled down to the ring. His opponent was Kenny Dykstra, also fresh off of a win at the New Year's Revolution. Kenny's never-ending push seems to have continued with Dykstra once again beating the legendary Rick Flair.

With the Intercontinental belt on the line, the match began with Kenny driving Hardy's head to the corner. As Jeff Hardy cleanly sailed above Kenny's head backwards and reversing the momentum, I noticed that Kenny was without his omnipresent headband. Strange.

Just as things were getting good with Hardy knocking Dykstra clean out of the ring and onto the outside, the show went to a commercial break. With the match resuming in progress, Hardy was standing on the top rope facing the crowd, perhaps attempting a moonsault. Kenny returned the earlier favor and shoved Jeff Hardy off of the top rope, sending him crashing to the outside.

Kenny was clutching his jaw, so Hardy must have gotten in a few good kicks during the commercial break.

With Hardy back in the ring, Kenny almost caught Jeff with a near fall. With Hardy kicking out, Kenny went for a chin lock. Hardy broke the hold, throwing a few elbows to Kenny's stomach. Going for what appears to be his new signature move, Kenny clamped Hardy in a sit-down jaw jacker.

Once again, Hardy battled his way out of the hold and climbed the top rope to deliver a Whisper in the Wind to Kenny below. Yet another near fall ensued, this time with young Kenny kicking out.

Making a surprise appearance, Johnny Nitro came down to the ring to crash the party, grabbing Hardy's leg from the ring apron, attempting to trip up the Intercontinental Champion and cost him his belt.

In an act of pure deus ex machina, Ric Flair appeared out of nowhere to intercede on Jeff Hardy's behalf. With Hardy preoccupied with Nitro and Kenny gearing up to make his move, Flair came from behind and hit Kenny with a low blow. Hardy capitalized with the Twist of Fate, then a Swanton Bomb and finally a pin. Jeff Hardy beat Kenny, retained his belt and still managed to keep his hair looking utterly fabulous throughout the match! Meanwhile, as Flair happily walked back through the curtain, Kenny was on the ring floor selling the crotch shot like bottled water on a hot day.

All in all, this wasn't a bad match. I loved seeing Flair come out of nowhere and it was truly unexpected and a nice touch. While I'm not floored by Kenny's skills, he did well in the match. Having watched the Hardy Boyz since their first entrance in WWE, Jeff Hardy has gotten so much better over the years, consistently putting on solid matches. While it certainly wasn't one for the ages, this was hands down, the best match of the night.

Backstage, fake "Rosie O'Donnell" was clutching a Chipwich for dear life before spying the "Diva's Locker Room." Uh-oh. We all know where this was heading. After the commercial break, "Rosie" was seen gabbing it up with Maria and Candice Michelle. Candice Michelle's face looked odd. I know she had a broken nose after a maneuver gone wrong in a match a few weeks ago, however, she just looked weird.

The backstage segment was what you would expect with fake "Rosie" dropping her vacation photos and having Maria bend over to pick them up for her, checking out her produce section and mugging the camera.

And in the "Buckwheat Has Been Shot" category, we have more clips from New Year's Revolution, detailing the gravity of Triple H's injury. Trips will be out from 4 to 6 months and will be undergoing surgery in Birmingham on Tuesday to repair the torn quadriceps muscle, which had been ripped cleanly from his knee joint. Ouch! Here's hoping Triple H makes a speedy and healthy recovery.

Up next was an "interview" with The Great Khali. Khali's pec is bigger than interviewer, Todd Grisham's head. We hear snippets that "The Great Khali is 7'2"." "The Great Khali is 420 lbs." "The Great Khali's pants ride low." We get the picture. What followed was a "promo" by Khali that was so unintelligible that I couldn't understand whether he was speaking broken English, Hindi or Swedish. If there's one thing Khali will be successful at in the world of wrestling, it's making the late, great Andre the Giant sound as if he possessed all the enunciation and diction skill of Sidney Poitier by comparison.

Following The Great Khali's interview, a Women's Tag match was next on the card. Up to this point, there had only been one match in the course of 45 minutes.

At the PPV, Mickey James successfully defended her Women's Title against Victoria. Funny, but I thought the definition of a "feud" was to go back and forth with wins and losses.

Melina made her familiar and flexible ring entrance, followed by an unusually scantily clad Victoria. Their opponents for the night, the team of Maria and Mickey individually trotted out to the ring in a skiptastic sequence.

The match started with Melina and Mickey locking up. The Women's Champion flipped Melina's arm behind her after twisting it in an arm bar. Mickey whipped Melina to the corner. In the middle of the ring, Maria danced around like a giddy prat before flying at Melina and giving her a bronco buster that would probably have Rosie O'Donnell salivating wildly.

Melina managed to tag in Victoria who entered the ring with a series of right hands to Maria before ramming Maria into the corner hard. Melina came back into the fray, locking a twisting headscissors on Maria on the mat.

Melina then knocked Mickey James out of the ring. The partners, Victoria and Melina clobbered Maria with a double-armed clothesline.

Mickey scrambled back into the ring, nailing Victoria with a clothesline. Meanwhile, Victoria accidentally clocked Melina. Maria capitalized with a near pinfall on Melina.

Elsewhere in the ring, Mickey James tossed Victoria out of the ring with a Lou Thesz press. With the action divided, the two sets of women duked it out with Melina scoring the win for her team, giving Maria the "Extreme Makeover" finisher and pinning her.

Usually, the women's matches are a highlight of the show. This one, alas, was not. The best action went on outside the ring and unfortunately, Maria, who cannot wrestle, was in for the bulk of the match. With the focus on Maria, it became more of a T&A fest than the usual quality of the ladies wrestling matches.

Melina is shaping up to be pretty good in the ring. Hopefully, under Victoria's tutelage, she'll become even better. Things are looking up for the Women's Division with the new acquisition of Natalie Neidhart, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart's daughter. From what I understand, she's a great women's wrestler and had made a name for herself in Stampede, continuing the Hart Family legacy. Also, sometime this year, Beth Phoenix is supposed to return. With Melina wrestling more and appearing to be a legitimate competitor, things are looking up for the division.

Backstage, fake "Donald Trump" is having his hair spray-mounted just right.

On another sour note, the Wrestlemania Recall features perhaps one of the worst Wrestlemania matches of all time, the highly-hyped, highly-hoped "We're Phoning It In Because We're Both Leaving WWE" match up of Goldberg versus Brock Lesnar. They should have called this segment Wrestlemania Recoil. Note to The Powers That Be: If you're pimping Wrestlemania, this is the wrong match to induce fond WrestleMemories in fans to get them to buy the PPV. Just sayin'.

Following the commercial break, Mr. McMahon came out to introduce the "O'Donnell" vs. "Trump" match. For a second, it looked like Vince was going to walk normally. Nope. Realizing midway through his entrance that his gait didn't have enough swagger, McMahon strutted down to the center of the ring.

Mr. McMahon introduced the fake "Rosie O'Donnell," heralding her "lesbianic fury." Faux-sie's music even sounded fat, if that is humanly possible. If there is one good thing to be said about this episode of RAW, it's that the production team is consistently on top of their game. Whoever their music coordinator, makeup artists and editors are, they know their stuff. Fake "Rosie's" music sounded like it weighed 250 lbs., which was a nice touch.

Mr. McMahon gave a significantly nicer introduction to fake "Donald Trump" (who was actually portrayed by indie federation wrestler, Ace Steel decked out with a puffy wig and power tie and suit combo).

The crowd instantly began booing the confrontation, which started out wordy at first before fake Rosie snagged yet another piece of Fudgie the Whale, set up ringside at the announcer's table.

It wasn't much of a match, and in all honesty, I refuse to dignify not only WWE's poor attempt at comedy, but an insult to all wrestling fans by further describing any "action" with the two parties involved rolling around in the ring. All I will say is that it left me longing for the Kevin Federline match from last week.

If Kevin Federline had made David Arquette look like Harley Race by comparison, then this week, with the fake "Rosie" vs. "The Donald" confrontation, Kevin Federline looked to be "A Wrestling God." Yes. It was THAT bad. I've crapped better matches in my toilet. Come to think of it, this match was the perfect opportunity to have escaped for a Bathroom Battle Royale of my own. On the subject of waste, that was what this overly-long (10+ minutes) and contrived segment really was.

The crowd's reaction was much more interesting than the match itself. Chants of "Boring!" and "We want wrestling!" broke out throughout the St. Louis arena. This was not "heel" heat. This was not "I hate these guys in a good way" heat. This was "I paid good money to see this crap?!" heat, quite possibly, the worst kind of heat at all. I don't know how the crowd managed to not leave the arena in droves during this segment.

The in-ring skit had effectively killed the crowd, who remained dead on its feet for the remainder of the show. Which was just as well, considering the next match was The Masterpiece Chris Masters facing Carlito for the umpteenth time. Masters had already beaten Carlito at Sunday night's PPV, but what the hell! These crazy kids were gonna do it again! (And again. And again.)

The match started with Carlito hauling off and punching Masters. The crowd was dead throughout the punchfest before Masters whipped Carlito to the corner. Carlito turned the tide, jumping to the second rope and landing a nice backwards splash on Masters.

Later on in the match, Masters gorilla pressed Carlito before stomping a mudhole in him in the corner.

Torrie Wilson came out to lend support to her man Carlito. Inside the ring, Carlito needed all the help he could get, being sent to the corner twice before being sent flying with a clothesline. Masters clipped Carlito right in the small of his back before picking him up in a huge bear hug. Favoring what now seems to be the only way to break a hold anymore on RAW, Carlito elbowed his way out of the hold. To no avail, Carlito was scooped up yet again with The Masterpiece nearly scoring a pinfall following a powerslam. Carlito managed to kick out yet again.

Masters went back to bearhugging the bejezus out of Carlito as Torrie pounded on the canvas for what seemed to be a solid minute. Maybe this was designed to wake the crowd up and have them rally behind Carlito, but for all intents and purposes, the crowd was completely comatose after the last match.

Carlito, with or without the fans' support, landed one of his patented standing dropkicks to Masters, kicking The Masterpiece backwards and onto the apron. Taking matters into her own hands and to avenge her tenure in the Masterlock, Torrie picked up the ring bell from the announcer's table and clocked Masters with it. Seizing the opportunity to work on Masters' already-smarting back, he pulled Masters backwards in a back cracker before pinning him.

While it wasn't a bad match, Carlito vs. Masters, Part 27 did little to wake the crowd up following the horrendous fake celebrity match. Both guys put on a decent match, however, this tired pairing wasn't the remedy for getting the crowd back into the action after they felt that they had already been hornswoggled for the night.

The next segment wasn't going to bring the crowd around, either. Delivering a post-PPV promo that could best be described as boring, Randy Orton and Edge came out to celebrate their win over DX at New Year's Revolution. I expect better from both of these guys, but what was delivered was incredibly lackluster.

Orton was booed in his own home town, sporting an oh-so-stylish neckbrace, probably from the Cowboy Bob Orton Collection. Well, at least his pants covered his belly button. Edge had a few fresh looking bruises on his face, as well.

After claiming that they had done what no one else did, Team Rated RKO proposed that next week, they would officially end DX with a 2-on-1 match with Edge and Orton against Shawn Michaels. Wow. Next week's RAW is going to suck already! Another 2-on-1 match. Thrilling! Similarly, the crowd voiced their disapproval of both the promo and upcoming match peppering Orton and Edge's segment with a chorus of What!?"s.

Another abundant supply of clips of Triple H's injury were show before Shawn Michaels came out to mercifully end the floundering promo.

HBK spoke of Triple H as his best friend, and even though the future of DX was still up in the air, he would not only stand by his best friend in his time of tribulation, but would also face Orton and Edge next week.

The next actual match following the commercial break featured the winners of the five-team Tag Team Turmoil match at the PPV, Cryme Tyme. By winning the match, Cryme Tyme solidified a title shot at the Tag Team belts. Instead of facing Michaels next week, I (and I'm sure a lot of other fans) would have preferred the cryme-namic duo squaring off against Team Rated RKO. Silly me! What am I thinking, expecting a title match on RAW! Pshaw!

Cryme Tyme did battle against the team they defeated in the closing moments of the PPV match, Trevor "Larry the Cable Guy" Murdoch and Lance "Low Rise" Cade.

Shad Gaspar and Low Riders Lance started the match off, with Shad launching himself off of the ropes and Lance getting a good crack to the face. In the corner, JTG slapped Cade. As Shad was thrown to Cade's corner, Lance's partner, Trevor Murdoch returned the favor by booting Shad hard and landing several resounding chest-chops.

In the Cryme Tyme corner, JTG was preparing for later, loosening the turnbuckle before removing it entirely. Soon, JTG was tagged in, clotheslining and dropkicking everyone in sight before being picked up and slammed by Murdoch.

From outside the ring, Shad sends Murdoch face-first into the now-padless turnbuckle, allowing his partner JTG to go for the pin. Cryme Time's winning streak continued.

This wasn't a particularly spectacular match and seemed to be a little slow on the uptake. It's hard to tell whether the crowd just wasn't into it because of the match itself, or the evening's prior matches.

After yet another replay of "highlights" from the fake "Rosie" and fake "Donald" match, Faux-sie is seen backstage bawling her eyes out. Lending some sympathy, Ron Simmons looked at her with unbridled disgust before shouting "DAMN!!" That, in a nutshell, summed up my feelings on this entire episode of RAW.

Back at ringside, Jerry "The King" Lawler was shown interviewing Vladimir Kozlov, the supposed MMA and Sambo champion, of whom there is no record of ever taken part in either sport. Kozlov smiled happily, commenting that he "was very entertainment" by the show tonight. Continuing in broken English, he maintained that he could beat both John Cena and The Great Khali. Finishing his interview, Kozlov once again proclaimed his love for "Double Double E."

Backstage, it seems that Eugene has gone back to good-guy mode, talking about how John Cena is his favorite wrestler. Khali walked past, looks menacingly at Eugene and walking out to the arena for his match.

With the clock now at 10:59PM, with technically one minute left to go on the show without running long, you could tell that this Cena vs. Khali match was going to be total quality and a lot of thought had gone into it. Please detect the sarcasm in my tone.

Hailing directly from India, out came The Great Khali. Curiously, Umaga's manager, Armando Alejandro Estrada is seated ringside.

After a two-minute entrance, John Cena finally entered the ring. Khali picked Cena up effortlessly. In an attempt to turn the tide, once Cena's feet touched the ground, he hurled himself off of the ropes, smashing directly into The Great Khali. Khali didn't budge, manhandling the Champ before belting him into the corner.

Estrada, outside of the ring, tried to throw a folding chair into the mix. Cena grabbed the chair and swung at Khali, ending the match in a disqualification.

Before you could say "pressed for time," Khali picked up Cena and planted him on the canvas before Umaga ran in, propped Cena up in the corner and gave him a rear-ended splash. The last image of the evening's show was of Umaga delivering the Samoan Spike to Cena and the Champ clutching his throat. Not soon enough, the worst episode in the history of Monday Night RAW came to a close.

I feel like I deserved a medal for not only staying awake through this steaming pile, but also for managing to write a review of the show and not using profanity. Better yet, WWE should hand out medals and free tickets to another show for those in attendance for last night's program in St. Louis. It was an impersonation of a show, and a poor one at that. People pay good money to see these shows and it is a slap in the face to the fans to be shown a lame attempt by WWE to be "culturally relevant." Whatever happened to the concept of brand identity? Of creating your own unique identity with strong storylines and memorable characters that keep the fans coming back for more? If WWE wants to make occasional social commentary, that's all well and good. However, leave the parodies of celebrities such as Rosie O'Donnell, Donald Trump and Michael Richards to trained professionals like Saturday Night Live and Mad TV who can do it much better. When people tune in to see wrestling, it's wrestling that they want to see.

I thought things had hit rock bottom with Feder-Fest last week. Boy, was I sadly mistaken.