Vince McMahon's "Fan Appreciation Night" angle rewarded fans with the best night's sleep of any post-PPV episode of Monday Night RAW yet. For those who managed to stay awake, a cameo appearance by the legendary Undertaker at the end of the program was a special treat.

Kicking off the broadcast from Dallas, was a loud ovation for Texas's own Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. In the 30-man Royal Rumble, Michaels stood toe-to-toe with the Dead Man as the last two men in the ring. Undertaker eliminated Michaels and now has his pick of which of the three champions (RAW's John Cena, Smackdown's Batista, or ECW's Bobby Lashley) to face for the title at Wrestlemania.

Michaels addressed the crowd, reminding them that last week, he had said that "No mere mortal man would keep me from Wrestlemania." He acknowledged that there were 29 mortal men in the ring on Sunday night. And one Undertaker. While Undertaker will undoubtedly go on to battle for a title of his choosing, Michaels vowed that he would still become the next WWE champion at Wrestlemania.

Cena's horn-flavored music blared through the speakers before he made his entrance. At that point, I realized that the words "Go out and TALK!" fit perfectly with the repeating "Dum-da-dum-DAH!"s that comprise the Champ's theme. And "go out and talk" he did.

The pissing contest of "Oh no you didn't just say you're going to take my belt!" continued with Edge making his appearance. As Edge, Cena and HBK began yammering at on another, I noticed that Michaels looked really tired. The Royal Rumble must have been a long night.

Edge's estranged co-Tag Team Champion partner, Randy Orton then made his entrance, looking almost as tired as Shawn Michaels was. Maybe that flu I had last week is making its way to the WWE locker room.

Just as the four men were getting ready to throw down, Vince McMahon appeared on the Titan-Tron from the backstage area. He mentioned that tonight would be "Vince McMahon Fan Appreciation Night" and that he tells the audience what they want to watch. John Cena responded by grabbing his crotch.

Mr. McMahon insisted that the fans wanted to see a match between Tag Team Champions, Team Rated RKO (who now hate one another's guts) and Shawn Michaels and John Cena. Much like Picard's Number One, Mr. McMahon "made it so," solidifying a title match between the two patchwork tag teams.

Orton and Shawn Michaels still looked tired as Vince made the announcement about the match and I got the distinct feeling that I, too, would be joining RKO and HBK in "Sleepy-Go-Night-Night Land" a bit earlier than 11PM.

After the first commercial break of the show, one of RAW's tag teams that don't fall into the "Oh, we just threw this together" category, Cryme Tyme were making their way out to the ring. JTG asked the crowd "What's really good?" before sending shout outs to various friends and strippers both at home and in the state of Texas before his partner, Shad Gaspar shut him up.

Cryme Tyme made their entrance to the crowd to face Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. I really like JTG's dance moves. He should come out with his own dance tape. Take that, Darrin's Dance Grooves!

The World's Greatest Tag Team came out wearing snappy new outfits, white with red and orange flames. The sleeveless hooded ensemble that Charlie Haas was wearing looked as if he had bought it from a Christian Cage yard sale. When he pulled the hood down, I realized why Haas was covering his head. Apparently, Charlie decided to get cornrows over the weekend. This was a very bad decision.

Maybe the cornrows brought Haas and Benjamin luck since they were finally able to beat Cryme Tyme and hand the previously undefeated duo their first loss.

The match started with Shad and Haas locking up. Shad threw a few hard elbows, knocking Haas backwards. Shelton Benjamin intervened on behalf of his partner from behind, sliding in and kicking Shad hard in the back of the knee and bringing the big man down.

Benjamin made his escape as Charlie Haas went to town on Shad, dropping his shoulder and sending him to the canvas yet again before tagging in Shelton.

Shelton made a beeline for Shad's weakened knee. Gaspar's only defense was to throw a series of right and left fists to battle his way out of the corner. Benjamin grabbed Shad and clamped him in a spectacular half-Boston crab, working over his knee further.

Shad managed to break loose and tag in his partner, JTG, who nailed Benjamin with several dropkicks and a reverse flying elbow. Shad tried to intervene to help out JTG and make a comeback. The ever-vigilant Benjamin averted the helping hand and tossed Shad over the ropes with his legs before skinning the cat over the ropes himself to get back in the ring.

Shelton rolled JTG backwards for a pin and the Worlds Greatest Tag Team handed Cryme Tyme their first loss.

This wasn't a bad match. In fact, it was a very good one to get the show underway. Haas and Benjamin, particularly Benjamin, are incredible. They work very well together as a team. Cryme Tyme looked to be a little better, but are still sorely lacking finesse, a fact more evident in competition against Benjamin and Haas. Still, they're showing improvement and that counts for a lot.

Backstage, Vince McMahon was giving Melina a motivational speech, telling her that if she wants to do something, by all means, she should go for it. Melina scampered away as Mr. McMahon's executive assistant, Jonathan Coachman made his entrance to discuss Fan Appreciation Night.

In the ring, Melina made her very flexible entrance and lo and behold, the camera actually showed her from behind while doing this without the ever-present Johnny Nitro blocking the view. Actually, there was a surprisingly little amount of Nitro on the show.

Melina seized the microphone as she spoke of seizing opportunity, making this a "First Contenders Match." I was wondering if Melina was reading off of the teleprompter, as I'd never heard of a "First Contender's Match." Indeed, good ol' J.R. mentioned that the upcoming match between Melina and Maria (Oh, Sweet Jesus! No!) would be a "Number One Contender" match, with the winner becoming the next in line to face Mickey James for the Women's Title.

Maria came out blowing kisses to the crowd. That wasn't the only thing that was going to blow. As Melina attempted to clutch Maria in a full-nelson, the slender Maria slipped the hold and yanked back on Maria's ring gear, nearly giving her a wedgie. Stunned, Melina staggered to the corner as Maria ran at her, using the one, quasi-devastating maneuver in her limited arsenal, the Bronco Buster, which Mae Young does so much better. Sure, Maria looks cute doing it, but call me kooky, for some reason, I buy the octogenarian wasting more ass with it than Maria.

Melina recovered, flipping Maria over and sending her to the corner before laying her across the corner ring-ropes and delivering a brutal kick to Maria's back. Somehow, Maria was able to battle back and attempted a near-fall on Melina. Melina throttled the girl, sending her face first to the canvas before executing an absolutely beautiful maneuver that commentator Jerry "The King" Lawler called "California Dreams." Melina knelt down and arched backwards over the fallen Maria and choked up on her in a reverse Camel Clutch. Maria tapped out and Melina was awarded the Number One Contendership via submission.

The match itself was a squash but showed what an adept competitor that Melina has become. I'm quite impressed with her. She has great flexibility, is fun to watch and has one of the cleanest wrestling styles of any of the women currently on the roster, moving up to maybe the second-best in the division after Victoria. Some women's wrestlers can be very sloppy, but there are no flies on Melina. I'm pretty excited to see a new face entering the division that is really working her way through the ranks, ming leaps and bounds in terms of progress.

Following the match, some action took place backstage with Todd Grisham hassling Shawn Michaels for another interview. Michaels just wanted to get this over with and advised Grisham that stupid questions were what marked him with a Super Kick a few weeks ago. HBK also added that even though he would be teaming with Cena tonight to face Team Rated RKO for the Tag Team belts, Cena was no Triple H. Awww. He misses his buddy!

Also backstage, Women's Champion Mickey James was hanging around near the craft services table as Super Crazy launched into his latest bit, which moving into Week #2 is getting pretty stale already. He asked her if she remembered when she used to be crazy. (I do. And for the record, I miss Crazy Mickey James.) He then told the Women's Champion that he was both "super" as well as "crazy," therefore, he is "Super Crazy."

Sneaking up behind Mickey, a fresh-off-her-win Melina asked her what else she thought was "really crazy," answering her own question by telling Mickey that she would be nuts to think that she would be able to retain her title against Melina. Melina then called Super Crazy a cabrón, for no real reason. Whoa! Now that was uncalled for! Taking all due offense, Super Crazy cracked Melina five across the eyes before she launched herself at both Mickey and Super Crazy. As Johnny Nitro made his two-second appearance and pulled the two women apart, Melina shouted "I'm a true champion, you whore!" at Mickey. Wow. In the span of under a minute, RAW viewers got to hear both "cabrón" and "whore." Outside of the confines of Anchorman, you don't hear the word "whore" too often. This really was "Fan Appreciation Night!"

In yet another backstage segment, Edge was shown having a heart-to-heart with Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, spilling his guts about how he and Orton were at odds with one another, yet they would still keep the belts. Cade and Murdoch looked concerned, yet slightly P.O.-ed. I'm not sure what the point was of that segment given Low Rise Lance and Trevor the Cable Guy had no other appearance on the show.

Prior to the next match, clips from Sunday night's Royal Rumble PPV were shown with John Cena defeating Umaga by choking him out with one of the ring ropes.

Poor Val Venis, 2007's answer to Al Snow and Brooklyn Brawler as Jobber Supreme was in the ring, awaiting a solid squash by Umaga.

Accompanied by Armando "I don' wanna be Alejandro no more" Estrada, Umaga looked angrier -- and fatter -- than ever, sporting large purple bruises around his neck from Sunday Night Cena and some new body art.

There seems to be an abundance of new tattoos on the RAW brand. Edge has a new black and red star tattoo that looks like a bastardized version of the Dallas Cowboys helmet emblem. Randy Orton has even more tribal tattoos inked on the inside of his forearm and Umaga happens to have some new ones, too. With all of the new tattoos, I'm wondering how good it can be for them to heal up while their wearers are rolling around with the potential to rip off the scabs. Just a random thought.

Throughout the duration of the extremely short match, Val Venis did not get in one, single offensive maneuver. Umaga began by kicking Venis before picking him up for the Samoan Drop. The Samoan Finesse Machine then landed a series of punches to Val's head, sending him to the ring posts. Venis then found himself propped up in the corner for a Tree of Woe before Umaga punched him directly in his erm… "package," socking it to the Big Valboski.

Umaga continued the massacre with a flying headbutt and more punches. Standing in the far corner of the ring, Umaga went for his Samoan Flying Butt Pliers or whatever that move is called before finally driving the Samoan Spike into Val Venis's neck and pinning him for the win.

As Venis lay sprawled on the mat, Jim Ross remarked that he was once a former Intercontinental Champ and that Val is "a hell of an athlete." You'd never know it by the way he was trounced by Umaga in this match. Oh, well. At least he still has a job. Sort of. I cannot stress how disappointing of a match this was. What is the point of building up Umaga to have him beaten thoroughly by Cena not once, but twice? Now, they're making Umaga invincible (against everyone but Cena) all over again and having him completely decimate Val Venis to the point where he didn't get in one single jab at the big man. Boring!

As Umaga trudged to the back for some Samoan Snacky Cakes, Vincent Kennedy McMahon made his entrance to the ring wearing what looked to be one of JBL's castoff cowboy hats. Vince remarked to the crowd how stupid the hat he was wearing looked and that anyone who wears one of those things has to be an idiot before stomping the hat flat. While the hat did look admittedly goofy on ol' Vinnie Mac, he had on a very nice tie.

Mr. McMahon told the crowd that he had two words for them. The crowd instantly went into chants of "you suck." Vince told them that the two words he had for them were "thank you." Lest Mr. McMahon get too sappy, he added "Thank you, for making me a billionaire" to his humble acknowledgment of gratitude.

Mr. McMahon decreed that he would show one lucky fan, as a representative of all fans, how grateful he was by presenting them with a very special item.. Picking out a young lady from the crowd, Vince had her ushered into the ring before he unveiled her prize: a 10 foot tall poster of Vince McMahon's Muscle and Fitness magazine cover.

As the fan was led back to her seat, Mr. McMahon waxed poetically about giving the fans "that personal touch" in addition to telling the fans he knows what is best for them and will tell them what they want. Between Mr. McMahon and Super Crazy, it seems that the RAW brand is making a mad dash towards trying to create new catchphrases for several of its superstars to possibly slap on t-shirts.

As he went on, the real Donald Trump appeared (pre-taped, no doubt) on the Titan-Tron, telling Vince that he really did not know what the fans wanted and that the fans have no choice, no real alternative to what he presents. (Uh-oh. I seriously hope that Trump isn't hoping to start his own wrestling federation.) Trump insisted that what the fans wanted was money. Cue the greenbacks to start dropping from the arena's ceiling with the fans snatching up tens, twenties, and hundred dollar bills. Vince looked flabbergasted as the show went to another commercial break.

Following a word from the sponsors, another impromptu tag match ensued, finding yet another way to eke more mileage out of the tired Carlito vs. Chris Masters angle with a pinch of Kenny Dykstra added to the mix. Carlito and Super Crazy teamed up in tag competition against The Masterpiece and Kenny. The crowd seemed to be as dead for this one as I was.

It seems that Kenny is trying out all the colors of the rainbow for his ring attire lately, sporting red and gold trunks. Aside from Jim Ross remarking about Dykstra's "prominent proboscis," that was one of the more remarkable things about the match.

Carlito and Kenny went at it with Carlito executing a very nice headscissors takeover on the youngster. Torrie Wilson (and her little dog, too) was desperately trying to get the crowd into the match, going into her now-familiar bit of pounding on the canvas and trying to solicit chants from the audience. Maybe if she started pounding on the canvas with the dog she might get more of a reaction.

Masters and Kenny double-teamed Super Crazy, nailing him with a double vertical suplex before the Masterpiece made with the elbows. Super Crazy was dragged to his feet before Masters sent him flying to the corner with an Irish whip.

Kenny found his way into the ring and whipped out the (yawn) reverse chin-lock before Carlito and Masters were tagged in again. Masters picked up Carlito in a military press and the wily Caribbean Coolster raked the Masterpiece's eyes to get out before hitting him with the backcracker and scoring a pin for his team.

Individually, there was some good stuff by Carlito and especially Super Crazy. Carlito needs some more moves, though as it's very easy to set your watch to the certain parts of the match that call for a corresponding maneuver from his arsenal. To be fair, Carlito can pull off a mean hurracurana. However, maybe it's not so much Carlito's moves that need to be refreshed, but the fact that he could use a new feud-mate. Carlito/Masterpiece Part 93 had a limited shelf life to begin with and right now, it's stinking like Christmas 2005's eggnog in the back of the fridge.

If that wasn't enough to send the fan's scrambling for their blankets and pillows, out came Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy in a match for the Title against The Great Khali. Normally, Jeff Hardy can have a match with a broom and make it look good. Alas, The Great Khali is not a broom.

Similar to the Umaga versus Val Venus debacle earlier in the program, this one ended up as a squash with the big man emerging as the victor. Unlike Val, however, Hardy ended up getting in a few good shots at Khali before the match ended. Hardy, splattered on the mats outside the ring, was counted out as Khali posed and strutted in the ring. Due to the count-out, Hardy retained his Intercontinental Title.
After a few more vignettes with Randy Orton addressing Team Rated RKO's tension to Todd Grisham; an interview with future "Double-Double-E" Snooze Squad member, Vladmir Kozlov and pimping Candice Michelle's latest Go-Daddy.com Super Bowl commercial, the show's main event got under way. Not without a few words of warning from Ric Flair. The Dirtiest Player in the game cautioned John Cena that if he wasn't careful, he might end up eating some HBK boot following the match.

With that said, both teams made their way to the ring. The ring entrances of the respective combatants underscored the tension and internal discord of all involved. Psychologically, Edge and Orton seemed to want the gold-belted bond between them to be severed, leaving them to their separate singles careers and to move on.

The match started out with HBK going head-to-head with Edge. Continuing with his homage to Flair, Michaels nails Edge with several hard chops before clipping him with an Insaguri kick. Michaels further dismantled Edge's leg, stomping on it before tagging in Cena.

Cena immediately goes to work on Edge with a hip-toss and a flying arm-drag takeover before feeling the burn from his abdominal injury. Shaking it off, Cena planted Edge with a DDT which almost resulted in a near pinfall.

Randy Orton was tagged in, landing furious fists to Cena's head. RKO tried whipping the Champ to the corner but Cena was able to reverse it, catching Orton in a fisherman's suplex. Cena nearly rolled Orton backwards for a pin, but Orton managed to get out of it.

Attempting to tag in his partner, Orton went for Edge but the Rated R Superstar was hoofing it to the back as the show went for its final commercial break. Orton looked just a tad angry.

How Edge found himself back in the ring was unexplained when RAW came back for it's remaining five minutes. However, there he was, in living color in the middle of the ring, mixing it up with Shawn Michaels. Michaels slammed edge to the canvas before hitting him with his famed flying elbow. HBK then tagged in Cena. The final moments of the match had Cena slamming Randy Orton to the canvas with a powerful FU and pinning him for a 3-count.

It was official. John Cena and Shawn Michaels were now the new WWE Tag Team Champions. As the referee handed the belts to both men, Cena posed for the crowd with his back to Shawn Michaels. When he turned around, he saw a very irate looking Michaels staring daggers into him. The unsinkable Cena actually flinched looking at HBK before recouping, thrusting the WWE Championship (spinner) belt in his face and asking him "Is this what you want?" Michaels should have said "Hell no! I don't want that belt! I want one of the old-school title belts!"

Before the two new Tag Team Champions could say "boo" at one another, the WWE equivalent of saying "boo" rose through the floor near the Titan Tron in a cloud of smoke. The Undertaker stood silent, staring at John Cena from his perch near the curtain. Cena looked shocked and perhaps a bit scared at the sight of the Dead Man as the credits faded up and out.

While Jim Ross intimated that the Undertaker may be coming for Cena's Championship belt at Wrestlemania, I think a Cena vs. Michaels pairing would be more exciting. Plus, prior to Ken Kennedy jumping in to challenge Batista for the title, it was teased that the two big men would go at it, something the fans seemed to be clamoring for.

Overall, Fan Appreciation Night seemed to be more like Thanksgiving dinner gone bad. This was one dry turkey with several side dishes of squash -- and we're not talkin' butternut, here.

While sometimes WWE goes overboard with the backstage segments and skits, even a small dose of comic relief would have been welcome. It seems as if they've gone from one extreme to the other from an overabundance of pre-recorded skits and not enough wrestling to several "wrestling" matches just for the sake of having matches without any real bearing.

I don't see the point of slapping together so many tag teams comprised of competitors who are much better off as singles wrestlers, particularly when you have several legitimate teams who are pretty good. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Cryme Tyme win a Number One Contenders match for the Tag Team Titles several weeks ago? Yet instead, we have the slapdash combo of John Cena and Shawn Michaels stripping Team Rated RKO of their belts.

As for Cryme Tyme, I really want to like these guys. They're entertaining and are very slowly, exhibiting better teamwork although, like Robert Frost, they still have miles to go. In terms of comic timing and delivery, they might be the best guys on the roster to fill that slot.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are a tremendous tag team who, without a doubt, should hold the belts. However, if the Powers That Be decide to team up to singles wrestlers to form a team, Carlito and Super Crazy might be the duo to give these guys a run for their money. They have vastly different styles, but a program with them could work out to everyone's advantage. Plus, it would relieve the fans of the never-ending Carlito/Masters feud that for whatever reason is like a bad case of the clap and won't go away.

Additionally, there seems to be a push for way too many big men at a time on the RAW brand. Umaga was simultaneously torn down and is now being rebuilt, while Khali is continuing his climb. Please, WWE. One boring, sweaty, big man at a time! I can only imagine what happens when Vladmir Koslov joins the roster.

Squash matches are not entertaining. Especially when you have two of them on the same show. Here's hoping next week's Monday Night RAW offers a little more variety.